My almost Sitcomy adventures with Captain Jack
by LittleFlowerLei
Summary: A fic about Jack in modern day. Me and Jack have almost Sitcom worthy adventures together as we try to convence everyone I'm not crazy! and all those Jack Lookalikes aren't making it any easier! Ch7 up, JackMe WillRobyn
1. Therapy does it work?

_Therapy…does it work?_

**Disclaimer:** I was reading a fic, _The Random Tale of Me and the Angel of Music_ and it was the funniest thing I ever read. So, I wanted to do a me-and-Jack my best friend-and-will Story :D

* * *

Sadly, I don't own PotC, but I loves it good. 

Enjoy ya'll!

"I'm telling you!" I shouted at my therapist, who; at that point, was in the middle of proscribing new medication for me. "Jack Sparrow lives with me! He's my man!"

"Yes, of course he is." He said to me sarcastically. He didn't believe what I told him, he never did! He didn't believe me that time I told him Jack taught me how to fight with a sword when he first moved in; he didn't believe me! I'm _not_ crazy! But of course…my mental history doesn't support that "Theory". "Now, tell the truth, are you getting enough attention at home?"

"Yes." I answered bluntly, keeping my arms around my Edward Sissorhands action figure. "Jack gives me plenty of 'attention'. I love him you see."

"Yes, yes you mentioned that- every…single...time you come here."

"I _DON'T _have a problem!"

"Of course you don't." Dr. Mohican rolled his eyes. "Of course not. The fact that you have 2 Johnny Depp love songs on your iPod, your Myspace is covered in Johnny, and you carry that Edward Sissorhands doll around with you wherever you go- is _no_ indication of a problem."

"_Action Figure_." I corrected him with irritation. Why did he always make that mistake? There was a difference between an action figure, and a doll. Edward- he was an action figure- Lil' Rag doll for example- was a doll. Barbie-was a slut. She didn't really fall into either category.

"Action figure." He corrected himself. "Tell me, did you already go see the new _pirates of the Caribbean_ movie?"

"Hell yeah!" I squeaked. "I went to see it the very first day it opened! It was sooooooooo hot!" Dr. Mohican shook his head and sprawled on his paper that I was losing my mind with every new Johnny Depp movie. It was then, that I begun to use my special talent. "He's coming out with a new movie in December you know! Sweeny Todd. He gets to _sing_!" I swooned. "I'm defiantly buying the soundtrack."

"Of course you are."

"And it's going on my iPod the very _day_ I get it." I lifted my Edward doll to my eyes and gave it a tight squeeze. "I don't care that my boyfriend dumped me because I'm too obsessed with Johnny Depp. I love him so much!" (He really did! I wasn't lying! That jackass dumped me because 'if we were on a date, and Johnny Depp walked by, I would go: "OMG I'MA GONNA RAPE YOU!!!" and he'd be hall 'kewl.'" But it's true! I would go after him, screaming to rape him! -- it's still a stupid reason.) Dr. Mohican sighed.

"Listen, you have to give up this fantasy that you're living with Jack sparrow-"

"Captain!" I shouted at him, why didn't he call him _Captain _Jack Sparrow?

"_Captain_, Jack sparrow; you need to live like a _normal _teenager."

"Normal teenager?" I echoed. "You mean, You want me to shop at Limited Too, be nearly anorexic, be a cheerleader, and pretty much give it up to any guy who asks?" He paused, and shook his head.

"No-well-no"

"Then don't ask me to be normal. I _am_ normal." He sighed again and looked at his clock, my time was up; and it looked like I had a new prescription to pour down the garbage disposal.

"SHEETS OF EGYPTIAN COTTON! NAH NAH NAH! SHEETS OF EGYPTIAN COTTON!" I got through my bedroom door to see my beloved Jack Sparrow trying to dance like Robyn had taught him to the song 'Sheets of Egyptian cotton'.

"Love! Yer back!" Jack cheered when he saw me toss my iPod onto my bed and kick my purple Emily the Strange sneakers off. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and gave me one good hug before going back to his odd dance. "I _love_ this song!" I watched him dance crazily a moment, before dropping my backpack down on the floor and searching for my blasted biology book.

"Stupid Biology." I swore under my breath. "I hate it! I'm not going to be a biologist when I grow up! I'ma gonna be a writer! And anything I need to know about Biology, I can look up online." Jack stopped dancing while I was working on my Biology packet, and before I knew it, he was leaning over my back, almost looking as if he was humping me…

"3 dived by nine." He told me, causing me to turn my head around; and nearly get one of his beads in his braided beard in my eye.

"Biology, not algebra." I told him, turning on my back and hugging him. "Nice try though pumpkin pie!"

Grinning, he rolled off me and went strait for the cocktail peanuts I had sitting on my computer desk. He sat on my desk and shoved the peanuts in his mouth, with a wide grin on his face.

"Dr. Mohican thinks I'm crazy." I told him as I flipped through my text book in hopes of finding the answer.

"Crazy is as Crazy does." Jack said to me, stuffing his face with peanuts and taking his half-full can of Dr. Pepper. I'd gotten him addicted to the taste of soda pop, weither or not I meant to. He loved it, I loved him, and he also loved the peanuts!

So in answer to my first Question: Therapy…does it work?

Answer: No. No it doesn't.

**

* * *

**

**Hi ppl! I'm sorry I started a new fic on ya'll, but I was dying to do this. See you in future chapters me mates! Also, Dr.Mohican is actually a therapist that keeps appearing in my stories! No matter where the story is set, there is always a Dr.Mohican if it calls for a therapist. **


	2. The night Robyn Stayed over

_The night Robyn Stayed over_

**Disclaimer:** I was reading a fic, _The Random Tale of Me and the Angel of Music_ and it was the funniest thing I ever read. So, I wanted to do a me-and-Jack my best friend-and-will Story :D

Sadly, I don't own PotC, but I loves it good.

Enjoy ya'll!

* * *

Twas Saturday night when Robyn came to my house to stay over; and with her she brought a very special guest. Some know him as the secondary character in the pirates movie; some now know him as the new Davy Jones, but most- know him as William Turner.

With her, she brought her poker case, and we used my pirates of the Caribbean cards that I got free when I bought the _At Worlds End_ game; and played a little poker game with the guys. A little…strip poker.

In the back ground, played my _Bowling for Soup: A hangover you don't deserve_ CD.; and we started playing Strip poker while the beginning theme played behind us.

Lucky for us, Robyn had taught me how to play poker well enough not to lose miserably, and we were on a team. Will and Jack were on the other team, and…lost.

"This is your fault." Jack narrowed his eyes at will, whom was sitting in his underwear just like Jack was.

"Oh yeah Jack, I lost on purpose just so the girls can look at us in our underwear." Jack gave Will an odd look before jumping up and yelling.

"SO YOU ADMIT IT!"

Meanwhile, I was muttering:

"Remember your therapy…remember your therapy…." After a while, my lips spread into a smile and I nearly shouted: "Screw therapy!" and grabbed onto Jack's exposed arm, nuzzling it like a car.

"See will?" Robyn asked him, dealing out another hand so we could get their boxers off. "I at least can control myself."

It wasn't long before I jumped up and starting singing the words to: _Ohio (come back to Texas)_.

"Come back to Texas  
Its just not the same since you went away  
Before you lose your accent  
And forget all about the Lone star State  
There's a seat for you at the rodeo  
And I've got every slow dance saved  
Besides the Mexican food sux north of here anyway" I sang, soon accompanied by Robyn and Jack dancing. Jack was fun to have around; he was a real party guy! Even though he wasn't in the world he knew, even though he didn't have his ship, he was ready to wade out whatever was happening with a little fun. Besides, he liked living with me….because I had a can of peanuts, and he loooooves his peanuts.

Will just sat on my bed in his boxers as Me, Robyn, and Jack all danced to Ohio (come back to Texas)

"Wait!" I called, causing everyone to stop and look at me. "This calls for…" Jack, Robyn, and Will all watched me as I went to my computer, opened up my iTunes, looked through my songs; and picked the perfect one.

"You-!" Robyn started, but was attacked by a wave of need to dance. So, after I got back in line, we all started to dance. Will- he just watched and wondered why he was there.

But Robyn grabbed his arm and pulled him up to dance with them. What we would have done had my mother walked in my room to tell us to be quiet, and saw us dancing to 'Sheets of Egyptian Cotton' with two half-naked men from Pirates of the Caribbean. I _may _have had to go back to therapy.

"Ships crossing like ghosts in the night  
Names on remembered faces in sight  
Take what we can, need to survive  
Words, exchanging kisses, and you  
Leave me starved and confused  
I'll wait and see, what unfolds  
Don't have what I need, girl now I love you so" I sang, soon to be accompanied by Robyn.

"Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton  
Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton  
Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton  
Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton" Robyn busted out, trying to keep herself under control while seeing Orlando Bloom (A character by him any who) in his underwear. While I-myself- was also trying not to pull Jack to the bed and rape him right then and there. We were having too much fun with _Sheets of Egyptian Cotton_.

"Motionless raptures reveal  
The give and take, become what's real  
Leave only the memories that we steal  
Eyes passing glances, regains where time Remembered seconds again  
I'll wait and see what unfolds  
Don't have what I need, girl now I love you so..." I came back in, and together, Robyn and I sang:

"Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton  
Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton  
Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton  
Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton!" Then Robyn broke in:

"Let your feelings reveal the naked truth  
Come reveal what I need, cause you know I need it too  
Now my feeling is ready to uncover you  
I wanna feel my warmth near close to you  
Girl don't you be so cold...

Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton  
Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton  
Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton  
Nanana nananana sheets of Egyptian cotton..."

"I _LOVE_ that song!" Jack cheered as Will eyed his pants on the other side of the room. If this was any indication about what our grown-up lives would be like, I couldn't wait to grow up!

* * *

**Hi ya'll! Welcome to chapter 2. I hope this was funny, I REALLY tried to make it funny. I'll be thinkin of Ch. 3 while I sleep so look forward to it sometime tomorrow. (Or would it be today? It's 3:46 here, so I guess it would be later today then.)**


	3. Sleeping in class isn’t always OK

_Sleeping in class isn't always OK_

**Disclaimer:** I was reading a fic, _The Random Tale of Me and the Angel of Music_ and it was the funniest thing I ever read. So, I wanted to do a me-and-Jack my best friend-and-will Story :D

Sadly, I don't own PotC, but I loves it good.

Enjoy ya'll!

* * *

"and so then I got abducted by Cryptosparidium-137 and when he was about to stick me with some weird probe-thingy, I jumped up and busted out my mad ninja skills; and just as he pulled out his ion desinigrater to shoot me and blow me up; the fashion designer Rei Kawakubo appeared told Crypto that she wanted to make a jump suit design based on his space suit. As they were discussing the royalties for the suit I was able to find a way out of the space ship and I fell down in the middle of Japan! 

Then I wandered into a black ninja training camp and that really pissed them off; so they chased me all over the continent until I ran into a white ninja camp and they defended me so I could get away from Japan!

When I got to a ship to take me to America- I didn't have enough money to take the ship, and I could see the black ninjas approaching behind me, so I dove into the ocean and swam all the way to Egypt where I rode on the backs of camels. But the black ninjas killed the camels with throwing stars of doom! But lucky for me the white ninjas came back and saved me!

I got back to America and had to hitchhike to get back here; and would have made it had the black ninjas not come back and killed the driver, leaving me to run the rest of the way. But when they followed me back home; I got sick and tired of those ninjas following me so I busted out my ninja moves once again along side my white ninja buddies!

This happened and that happened, Man, I just had a really awful kind of time."

"Alright, why didn't you_ really_ do your homework?" My biology teacher asked me, giving me a dirty look while sitting at his desk. I was silent for a short time

"….I was playing video games…" I answered bluntly.

"Must you always come to me with some kind of asinine excuse!?"

"Geezer, you don't need to flip crazy."

"Take your seat…" I smiled widely as I contently trotted off to my seat, receiving a smile from my two friends Kim and Michael. I took my seat and opened my text book.

"Now everyone read chapter 7 and do the review questions." But those words…they were so long and boring…so…un-Johnny Depp related; I put my head in my palm as I tried to read it, but the long, Deppless words bored me and before long I found myself imagining the day I met my loving captain Jack.

* * *

It was during the summer it was; and my friends and I were at the water park. I held my medallion I bought before the second movie came out over the pool. 

"I'm telling you. If I drop this in the pool, the black pearl will come and it'll be great!" Little did I know then that it actually would.

So, I dropped my Medallion in the pool, and a pulse went through the entire park, almost like that feeling on an elevator.

"What the hell was that?" Robyn asked me just before The Black Pearl came out of no where, almost like Davy Jones' ship does when it comes back from the land of the dead. The first person I saw was Captain Jack Sparrow. I was so excited to meet him that I fainted.

When I came to, Jack was leaning over me, asking me if I was dead.

"If I might quote Jones for a moment." Jack said; making sure I wasn't dead. "Do you feel dead?"

"…no." I answered, but when I sat up, I saw the pearl was gone (Barbossa had stolen it you see.) and the only ones left were Jack and Will.

"Where are we going to go Jack?" Will asked as Jack sat on his knees beside me and looked up at will. Robyn raised her hand eagerly.

"You can stay with me Will!"

"And you Jack!" I piped up. "Can stay with me!" The two men looked at each other, then at us. Robyn was trying to look bad-ass, and I was just trying not to tackle Jack into the pool.

"Doesn't look like we have much of a choice." Will said to Jack observantly. Jack nodded, and we spent the rest of the day as a group at the water park; having big fun.

* * *

"Lenore, wake up." My teacher hit my desk with a ruler, jolting me awake and causing me to fall out of my desk screaming. 

"Aaaaaaaah!!!!" I screamed as my butt hit the floor.

"Get your sleep at home!" He scolded me, "Not in the damn classroom!" I nodded, but the minute I tried to do my review, I fell asleep once again.

* * *

That time, I had a dream about how Jack and I fell in love. 

He and I had gotten to be good friends for our oddness, and one cloudy Saturday; I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me. Even though he would have rather sailed around my neighborhood on his ship, we agreed to the walk.

We'd gone for a walk around my neighborhood while Robyn was at her softball game with Will; and during the walk, a big dog had gotten loose from his owner.

Now, it wouldn't have been a big deal, had I not been mortally afraid of big dogs. So screaming, I grabbed a hold of Jack and tried to hide behind him.

"Love, tis only a dog."

"A _big_ dog." I squeaked, Jack- wanting me to stop worrying, lifted me off the ground bridal style and told the dog to shoo. When the dog didn't, he snarled his golden teeth at the dog, scaring the hell out of it and causing it to run away. But I still kept my arms around his neck without a sign of letting him go. But he didn't even ask me to let him go, he just carried me until I told him I wanted to be let down. But I didn't say that, so he carried me for a few blocks.

"Yer surprisingly light love." Jack told me as he carried me down the block, getting odd looks from my neighbors; but he didn't notice; his eyes were on me and only me.

He watched me a moment, causing me to watch him right back, and for some reason; I had the song _Grow for me_ from _Little Shop of Horrors _stuck in my head. Just as Jack pressed his lips against mine, the three background singers from _Little Shop of Horrors_ came walking down the street singing:

"Poor Lenore pushed a broom.  
Nothing in her news but gloom and doom.  
Then, she lit a fuse and, give her room,  
she started an explosion. Holy cow!

That thing went Bang! Kaboom!  
And she's havin' some fun now.

Some fun now.  
Pop Quiz!  
What's she havin'? Some fun now.  
Sure Is!  
She's a havin' some fun now.  
Oh Boy!  
Ain't she havin' some fun now!

Now!  
Some fun now.  
Hot Damn!  
Ain't she havin' some fun now?  
Yes, Ma'am!  
She's a havin' some fun now.  
Oh Boy!  
Ain't she havin' some fun now?

Now!

Some fun now.  
Hot Damn!  
Ain't she havin' some fun now?  
Yes, Ma'am!  
She's a havin' some fun now.  
Oh Boy!  
Ain't she havin' some fun now?

Now!  
Some fun now.  
Pop Quiz!  
Ain't she havin' some fun now?  
Sure Is!  
Really havin' some fun now.  
Oh Boy!  
Ain't she havin' some fun now?

Now!  
Some fun now.  
Good God! The Boy!  
She's havin' some fun now.  
Oh Boy! Oh Boy!  
Yes, she's havin' some fun now.  
Oh Boy!  
Ain't she havin' some fun now?"

* * *

What woke me the second time was the bell and Michael shaking me awake. Quickly I gathered my books and headed to my next class. OK, maybe the three background singers from _Little Shop of Horrors_ didn't come walking down the street singing _Some Fun Now _when that happened, but everything else was true! 

Of course…if you're anything like my therapist, you probably don't believe me.

* * *

**OK, I forgot to mention before that the song 'Sheets of Egyptian cotton' was from Uptown Girls. My friend Robyn really did make up a dance for it, and it's pretty neat.**

**NOTE: My name isn't really Lenore, but I'm going through a Lenore name faze and I have to name all my characters Lenore. So I named Me Lenore :D You all might remember my Helena faze in Avatar, my Diane faze in Phantom. Although they might not seem like fazes, they really were. Well, stay turned for ch 4!**

**Cryptosparidium-137 is from DESTROY ALL HUMANS. The best video game evur.**


	4. Attack of the killer Furbie

_Attack of the killer Furbie_

**Disclaimer:** I was reading a fic, _The Random Tale of Me and the Angel of Music_ and it was the funniest thing I ever read. So, I wanted to do a me-and-Jack my best friend-and-will Story :D

Sadly, I don't own PotC, but I loves it good.

Enjoy ya'll!

* * *

Jack had been telling me for days that he'd heard strange noises coming from my closet when I'd leave for school. At first, he would just turn up the music and it would go away, but as the noises became more frequent; he started to get scared.

"It's probably just Cujo playing in the closet." I told him when I first heard of the noise (Cujo is my cat you see.) and for some time afterwards.

The noise only seemed to happen while I wasn't home; so one day after school, I told Jack to show me where the noise was coming from. He grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the closet, slid the door open, and pointed at a packed box (From when we first moved to my house.)

"Look in it!" He told me, hiding behind me while holding his pistol and trying to make me look through the box. Sighing, I did. I opened the box, unpacked it sloppily, and when I pulled out my ancient Furby from when they were cool; Jack's eyes widened as he pointed at the Furby in horror. "What the holy hell is that?!"

"It's a Furby." I told him as I showed it to him, but the Furby just scared the hell out of him and he told me to put it away. "Is _this_ what was scaring you?" I asked, looking for the batteries. "Jack, this thing is ancient! I had it when I was seven, the batteries are long dead."

"That things _EVIL_!" Jack shouted.

"No It-" I looked at the Furby. "Well yes, yes it is. But it's dead. You don't need to be afraid of this thing." He still kept his pistol on it, giving it a very dirty look.

"This thing sleeps outside." Jack ordered, keeping his pistol pressed against the furby's chest.

"Fair enough." I told him, taking the Furby outside and putting it on my balcony's railing; all the while, Jack had his pistol aimed for it, and refusing to leave the Furby unattended. So that was where he sat until it was time for bed. He sat starring out my balcony window; making sure to keep his pistol on the Furby. "C'mon Jack, It's time to sleep." He looked at me, then quickly back at the Furby.

"That bloody awful thing won't get us?" I shook my head.

"I'll personally make sure of it." He nodded and climbed into my bed, making me keep his pistol by my fan incase the Furby came in through my glass door. As I used his chest as a pillow because he was so warm… well anyway; He shook me awake, sitting up and pointing into the darkness. I tapped my touch lamp on, and saw the little Furby just sitting in the middle of my room.

"Holy shit!" I swore, jumping up and reaching for Jack's pistol. But after I aimed the pistol at it for a little, I saw it had a note attached, so I whispered to Jack: "Go read the note."

"Hell no!" he swore back at me, keeping an eye on the Furby. "You go see."

"No way!"

"Well one of us has to." I looked at Jack, then at the Furby, then at the spool of black thread I had sitting beside my bed (From when I tied my toy compass to my jeans to see pirates). Suddenly, an Idea clicked.

Jack watched as I took out my ladybug shaped earrings, tied some thread around it; and threw the part that goes through the earlobe into the paper, and reeled it in like a fish. Cackling diabolically once I got it. I opened the letter, and read it aloud:

"Tried to get rid of me again…?"

"Again…? Did you do something to piss him off?" When Jack asked me that, I remembered when I first got tired of that Furby, I stuffed it in the closet and tried to smother it with a pillow.

"….I might have…" Right then, the table lamp bulb burned out, causing Jack and I to scream and for me to lunge at the switch to my celine light. Jack was on the floor, grabbing for his puffy white shirt (I made him sleep shirtless :D) and pulling it over his head.

On the bed, sat the Furby. His eyes- those awful brown eyes had the eyelids down to look angry, and he was.

"How.dare.you." The Furby's mouth moved, producing a voice and causing Jack and I to scream. "Put. Me. In. A. Closet."

"You were annoying!" I told him as Jack unlocked my patio door. "You wouldn't stop talking."

"You. Loved. Me. Once." His eyes got angrier. "Now. That. Man. Has. Taken. My. Place."

"In all fairness." I stalled for Jack. "You were replaced by _a lot_ of things." Bad move, just as Jack slid the patio door open, the Furby flew through the air and started pecking at me like a really pissed off chicken. I ran to Jack, who swatted the Furby away, shot it with the pistol, and picked me up Bridal style. He climbed up to the railing of my balcony and jumped down off of it.

"I _thought_ you said it was dead!"

"I _thought _it was!"

"Well it isn't now!" I hung onto him tightly as he ran out the back ally behind my house and tried to out run the Furby.

"I'M. GOING. TO. KILL. YOU!" The Furby threatened, flying above us still like a chicken. A chicken possessed by evil Furby magic.

"Hey" I brought up to Jack as he reached for his Pistol and tried to shoot the Furby down. "Do you think my Biology teacher will buy that I was attacked by a demonic, homicidal, Bloodthirsty Furby?"

"…..seems like a reasonable excuse." Jack told me, hitting the Furby in the eye with the bullet and blowing the eye out. I clung to Jack like crazy while the Furby fell from the sky, and fell in a smoking heap on the ground. He kept firing at it until it had nothing but wires of red and blue coming out of his eye socket.

"You know…" I piped up as I went over to poke it with a stick. "Maybe buying a Furby wasn't the best of ideas."

"_Really_?" he asked me sarcastically, watching closely as I poked it with a very long stick. "Is it dead?" Then he stopped. "Wait, why am I asking you? You thought it was dead before and it wasn't."

"Well now you blew its _eye_ out." I said. "I'm pretty sure that'll" I looked down at the Furby, and it had its beak latched on to the long stick. I looked back at Jack. "Oh like you're always right." Jack ran to my side and blew snot out of the Furby. With its last ounce of demonic strength, it said:

"But…I…Loved…You…" and then it died.

* * *

"You can't just tell me you slept in can you?" My Biology teacher asked me when I told him why I was late for class. "Just sit down."

"But…it's true…" I whispered to Kim as I took my seat behind her.

* * *

**It took me a long time to write this. I was laughing too hard to be able to write it. I was listening to the song "Halloween" by Aqua while writing this and it was just really funny! Believe it or not: That was _not _a late excuse. **


	5. No more therapy!

_No more therapy!_

**Disclaimer:** I was reading a fic, _The Random Tale of Me and the Angel of Music_ and it was the funniest thing I ever read. So, I wanted to do a me-and-Jack my best friend-and-will Story :D

Sadly, I don't own PotC, but I loves it good.

Enjoy ya'll!

"Listen." Dr.Mohican said during my session. "We're going to try a new test, just to see if you got any worse." Then he paused. "But I'm not sure how that's possible."

"What's the test?"

"It's a simple word association test. I say one word, and you say the first word that comes to mind."

"OK, I can handle this."

"Tree"

"Tree"

"Dog"

"Dog"

"Bird"

"Bird"

"You see, the trick is to say a _different_ word."

"OOOooh OK!"

"Fat"

"Jiggle"

"Hip"

"Bible"

"Egg"

"Femur slicer of convenience!"

"Love"

"Eaters of my meals and unwanted sharers of my desert!"

"Music"

"Black hole of rabbit urine, chewed carrots, and little.Tiny.Raisin.Doodies."

"Television"

"Bladder Cookie eater"

"Cat"

"KUNG POW KITTEN!"

"OK, this isn't working." Suddenly, I appeared out of no where behind him, growling a growl at almost sounded like a baby noise.

"Grrrrrawrgrooooo" Then I disappeared behind his chair and reappeared in my spot.

"Can you focus for one minute?"

"I-I don't know. Let us see!" So then, I starred at nothing for a full 60 seconds, before asking him how long that was.

"Oh god…" He sighed. "Now it's the ink blot test."

"Oou"

"Here" He handed me one ink blot.

"It's…" I looked at it a moment. "It's a can of unopened honey roasted peanuts that is coming to life and slice the throats of all who reign supreme and who defy the honey roasted glory that is peanuts." Dr.Mohican sighed and handed me another blot. "This one, is a watermelon whose ass is running through a field of babies who puked up cotton candy who were screaming really loud and their heads turned as the watermelon slapped each one to shuddit upped and turned old…mentally disabled…mentally disabled…mentally disabled…"

"_I'm_ going to need therapy after this." He handed me another one.

"Kevorkian pantyhose"

"…." He handed me the last inkblot.

"This one would have to depict the war of 1661 with General Smithygire and his legion of omish Hebrews shopping at the black market for illegal immigrants that were smuggled in under giant French hoopskirts by me and my friend Carly."

"….." He shook his head. "….I was wrong….you _could_ get worse…and you did."

I smiled proudly.

* * *

**Little short, but eh.**

**Omg, I was addicted to 2 foamy cartoons that helped make this chapter possible. The two episodes were:**

**Word Association**

**Foamy Fan mail (I forgot the number.)**


	6. This is Halloween

**Disclaimer:** I was reading a fic, _The Random Tale of Me and the Angel of Music_ and it was the funniest thing I ever read. So, I wanted to do a me-and-Jack my best friend-and-will Story :D

Sadly, I don't own PotC, but I loves it good.

Enjoy ya'll!

* * *

"Everybody scream! Everybody Scream!" I came running up to my room after school on October 31st A.K.A: _HALLOWEEN!_ "Jack Love! It's _Halloween_!" 

"I know love." Jack said from my bathroom. "I'm getting my costume on now. So when is your mum taking your cousins Trick or Treating?"

"I'm leaving! I trust you'll keep from getting pedophiled." My mom called up to me as she was leaving to go with my cousin's trick or treating.

"Now" I told him, asking him to toss me my costume. I was going as

A gothic 50's teenager. The costume looks a little like those dresses they wore back in the 1950's with the poodles on them, but the skirt was black and shorter; the poodle was smaller, and the top went around the shoulders and was black-and-white. With my costume, I bought black-and-white striped legwarmers to go with the mary-janes that were like, three inches off the ground.

I left my hair the way it was, long, black, and with one random red stripe down the side. It actually went well with my costume, and I looked great!

"Jack are you ready yet? I want to get to all the good houses before those little snots with their parents come and take it all."

"This- trick-or-treating- is it like pillaging?"

"More like…looting. Except they just _give_ you the stuff, you don't need to steal it."

"Aww, where's the fun in that?" he asked me as I painted the black lipstick upon my lips and attempted terribly to put eye-liner on. I should have just had Jack help me; he knew how to put eyeliner on real sexily.

"So? How do I look?" Jack asked me after many attempts at putting his costume on.

Jack was Davy Jones.

I smiled at him and told him he looked very pirated. He grinned proudly as he went back into the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror. "This is neat! I can't wait to loot candy!"

"And when we get back…" I trotted into the bathroom like a school girl, wrapped my arms around Jack, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "…we're going to watch Tim _Burton's the Nightmare before Christmas._ It's a tradition in this house; we always watch Tim Burton movies at Halloween and Christmas." Jack watched me skip happily down to the kitchen and take out two saved Dillon's bags and trop back up.

"Here you go love!" I squeaked happily, completely against my costume appearance. He took the bag, and we left together to get candies.

We got outside and all around were small children dressed like Disney characters. Jack was a little shocked to see mini-jacks running around.

"They're…mini me's!" Jack shrieked, watching the little children run around yelling:

"AAARRGG!" Jack gave me an odd look, and watched as the little kids tried to act like the drunken pirate that he was.

"I find this all to be very insulting." Jack told me as we walked to the first house. I grabbed his hand and started singing:

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.  
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho." Jack smiled and joined in the song with me.  
"We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.  
We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.  
Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.  
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.  
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.  
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.  
We're beggars and blighters, ne'er-do-well cads,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.  
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho." We chanted while we filled our bags with penny candies that we could have just as easily bought at _Walgreen's_. But Jack ended up having a great time Trick-or-treating with me; until he came up to a little kid who was dressed like him.

"This must be how a penguin feels…."

"hmm?" I looked at Jack, and gave him a look that asked him to explain himself.

"Penguins my dear, Penguins all look alike, and there are millions of them in one given continent, imagine how it feels to walk around and see everyone who looks exactly like you. Well now- now I know."

"Poor Jack!" I hugged him. "What have I done? What have I done? How could I be so blind? All is lost…where was I? Spoiled all….Spoiled all….everything's…gone all wrong….what have I done? What have I done? Find a deep key to hide in… in a million years they'll find me… only dust…and a plaque that reads 'here lies poor…old….Jack…'"

"Ok OK love, that's just irony it is."

"But I never intended any of this madness…

Never!

And nobody really understood! Well how could they?

All I wanted was to bring them something great!

Why does nothing ever turn out like it should?

Well what the heck!

I went and did my best

And by god I went and did something swell!

And for a moment why-!

I even touched the sky!"

"Love- Love- Love that's enough."

"And I Jack! The Pumpkin King! That's right! I am the pumpkin king!

Hahahaaa!

And I just can't wait until next Halloween!

Because I've got some new ideas that will really make them scream

And by god-

I'll really give it to them with all my might!"

"Love!" Jack finally got my attention. "We get it." I smiled like an idiot and gave him another tight hug.

"Jackie-kinz!" I squeaked. "I loooovee you!" He gave me a pat on the head before we went up to the next door and begged for candy. Our bags were nearly full; and we were having a very musical Halloween.

**

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****Sorry it's not very long, and not very funny, but eh… **


	7. The Messengers…

_The Messengers…_

**Disclaimer:** I was reading a fic, _The Random Tale of Me and the Angel of Music_ and it was the funniest thing I ever read. So, I wanted to do a me-and-Jack my best friend-and-will Story :D

Sadly, I don't own PotC, but I loves it good.

Enjoy ya'll!

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I walked into my house completely proud. My mother wasn't going to be home from work very late that evening, and I had just jacked 'The Messengers' from my aunt. Jack noticed my pride and questioned it.

"I got a scary movie to watch! Let's watch it OK?" Jack nodded and plunked down onto the couch as I put the DVD in the player. When I did, I popped some popcorn, got us some soda pop, and curled up to Jack as if we were on a movie date. And we were!

The movie started out OK, we weren't all that scared, but when Jesse was going to poke the Crow with a long stick, or move it to try and get it out (one or the other) the music and camera movements built such dramatic energy that when the crow jumped up squawking like crazy me and Jack screamed and clung to each other.

Then, when the dramatic terror was over, we looked at each other and laughed.

We were so wrapped up in the movie that we hardly ate any of the popcorn and our sodas sat on the coffee table half empty.

The movie had scared the shit out of Jack, but he still loved it. The movie was amazingly filmed and big on dramatic tension.

Jack and I screamed a lot during the surprising parts in the movie, but we always had good reason to. Some of the times, we jumped and forgot to scream.

It was actually pretty entertaining; Jack hid behind the loveseat during one spot or two; and I held onto one of the throw pillows.

When Jack got back with me on the couch, and my cat jumped on his lap in an attempt at getting him to pet 'im, Jack got scared and hid behind me.

"It's just the cat Jack." I assured him, but he still wanted me to 'keep that demon away'. I didn't blame him for calling my cat a demon, because that was what she was. A demon, nothing less.

At the end of the movie, Jack and I had to head to sleep. Although Sleep came pretty easy for Me, Jack was too terrified to sleep.

"…..Lenore….?" he whispered quietly as I laid against his chest in my pink, silk, Chinese style pajamas.

"…hmm…?"

"There are no such things as Ghosts and Zombies…right…?"

"Right." I assured him, snuggling my head against his chin and trying to calm him down.

"But you also said the Furbie wasn't alive and it was then."

"…that was different…" I yawned. "It was demon possessed, The Messengers is just a movie Jack, I promise, nothing will happen." I could tell he wasn't completely satisfied, but he decided to try and believe me, and let me sleep.

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**Good god this chapter was short. But this story has got it's dose of Writer's block, and I can't think of anymore funny things to happen. So- if you want- give me some suggestions in your reviews. :D I'll be more than happy to consider them!**

**Again, sorry it took so long.**


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